Sunday, January 9, 2011

Fuck Modern Censorship of Classic Literature

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What the fuck is wrong with this country? We’re really going to allow someone to edit masterpieces of American literature? I know it’s only copies from one publisher, but that publisher and the asshole who green lit the changes should be drawn and quartered.

Huh? Oh, right! *slaps forehead, as if to feign having had an epiphany* I can’t say that! What I’m going to have to do is get hold of a DeLorean with a flux capacitor in it, in a hundred years or so, and go back and change that to something a little less severe. Perhaps instead of drawing and quartering I should say that we’ll just, oh, I dunno, decapitate them. Yeah. Much better! It captures my original sentiment perfectly and no one gets their precious feelings hurt. Or do they? Changing the “n word” (is that actually any better?) to slave? Really?! That’s going to make up for 150 years of intolerance and insensitivity?

Fuck you assholes IN your assholes with copies of 1984 that are laser etched in steel, jagged and rusty from sitting out in the elements for hundreds of years, covered in shit, heavily salted, and from the future because I went to the future and invented it with futuristic technology that only exists a hundred years in the future just so I could bring it back to now to force you to have anal coitus with it.

I digress.

What’s that you say? I can’t even begin to fathom why this is to important? I’ve never had derogatory words said to me repeatedly over the course of several years (okay, I admit it isn’t quite the same as centuries, and fat is not the same as the n word, but gimme a break, I’m trying to make a point here!)? I CERTAINLY HAVE! I know what it’s like to be called BARF because I was fat and resembled (apparently) John Candy’s legendary character from Spaceballs the Movie. You know what? I didn’t lash out even though I certainly had enough will and girth to do so. I took it. I let it roll right off my back. Fuck them. I didn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they were hurting me. That made me feel empowered. And in a few years, everyone grew up and it stopped. No harm, no foul. In fact, it may have even made me a better person for having persevered. Now I have that lesson to pass on to my son.

Life has a funny way of resolving it’s own problems in time. It’s the way in which we assist or retard that resolution (oh hell yeah, I did!) that decides whether we can move on as a unified society. This censorship is indeed acting as a retardant to our becoming said unified society. The fact that this cannot be “let go” is causing us to become stagnant. There can be no progress if all we do is sit around all day trying to right our past wrongs. It’s FUCKING OVER. MOVE ON.

Big brother has been watching… and laughing his balls off at all of us. Shame on us for continuing to put ourselves through all of this nonsense. Lets just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and go home. Our wives are there waiting with a hot meal on the table… if they know what’s good for them! (Oh, FUCK. Where did I park that damned DeLorean…)