Monday, April 5, 2010

Verizon is a Bunch of Sleazebag Assholes

Did you know that Verizon has the ability to plant apps on your phone and charge you for them as though you downloaded them yourself? I wouldn't have believed it myself! Do you think my claim is specious? I am many things, but a liar is not one of them.

Apparently, on the 2nd at 10:30pm I accessed the Get It Now service and downloaded VZW Tones Deluxe 3.5, for which there is an immediate charge of 4MB at $1.99/MB, whether or not you actually browse and/or download any ringtones. I did NOT access this service. I did NOT download this application and yet there it is. It stares me in the face, mocking me, goading me on. I can only think of two ways this could have happened, and both options are unlikely.


Scenario A: Shortly after 10:29pm on the 2nd, my phone mysteriously disappeared into a swirling vortex of data charges and bullshit and escaped with only a few cuts from data charges and bruises from a hefty load of bullshit. Some time around 10:30pm, I was browsing and downloading ringtones like crazy and laughing all the way to the bank with the riches that have befallen me from this bullshit tempest.


Scenario B: At precisely 10:30pm on the 2nd, while sitting in my favorite chair watching television, the stars aligned, the skies cleared, and the blue moon shone down upon my phone as I put it back into my pocket. All this good fortune proved to be too much. Try as I might, the phone wouldn't fit into my pocket easily. The pocket must have been all scrunched up. Fiddling with the pocket and phone with the same hand to try and force it into place, all manner of buttons (on the touch screen, mind you!) got pressed and I managed a feat that few in this small world could ever hope to accomplish. I navigated through no fewer than six... SIX menu selection, all in different locations on the screen. Bottom center, middle left, first item, second item, and who knows after that because I am NOT going to go to the download location again and incur another $7.96 plus tax for data I have no intent on using. All this without looking. Nay, without KNOWING that I was doing it and leaving it like that until the phone went inactive and locked itself. Wow. I am amazed by my awesomeness.

I feel like I should tie this all together in a nice neat little paragraph, but I have reached the end of my wit. At my wit's end... get it?

In closing: FUCK YOU VERIZON WIRELESS. Fuck. You.

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