Thursday, April 1, 2010

I Have No Clue Who Justin Bieber Is, and Neither Should You.

Who is this boy?

This is an excellent question, don't you think? No? You probably don't. And why don't you? Well, my first guess is that you actually know who this is. What brings me to this conclusion? Well, the fact that my Facebook feed has been filled with complaints about this boy, his character, his celebrity, his whatever-it-is-he-does, tells me a lot. What it tells me primarily is that those of you who can mention him in your Facebook status updates in rudimentary attempts at being clever or funny via insulting posts have failed entirely (at wit, if not life). That you even know his name, know he has some type of career, know he is actually alive (he is, after all, just a little boy) know more about him than you should, is just frightening. And why is it that you possess this knowledge? I don't know, exactly. Perhaps you had/have an out-of-line thing for child actors/actresses and you've been inundated with news about this kid while trying to collect near-risqué images of underage celebrities that you really shouldn't even be looking at. (I'd actually wager that most of you fall in this category, but I'm not one to make unfounded accusations, no matter how hilarious they may be.)

The fact of the matter is, I don't know who Justin Bieber is because I'm actually living in my age bracket. I don't follow nonsensical popular culture because it has no appeal to me. Therefore, I have no reason to complain. The only reason any of you can bitch about this little future burnout/failure/on again, off again homosexual (just saying, Lindsay Lohan has set one hell of a precedent; why shouldn't this guy follow in her footsteps?) is because you care. Before you all start shouting your rabid disagreement, attempting to persuade me that you don't care about anyone who's ever been on the cover of Tiger Beat, riddle me this: why is it that until tonight, when watching NBC, where a promotion for a guy who shouldn't even have a television show--except for the fact that the masses can't handle the atypical, and can only cope with change when it's network-sanctioned (I'm talking about Leno, if you can't tell)--happens to be a promotion for a Justin Bieber guest spot, and this is the first time I'm ever hearing his name mentioned outside of Facebook? Why? Well, I can only assume that this is because you don't have any taste of your own, and so you have no choice but to rely on what's presented by the leading demographic (girls, age 15-23, the scourge responsible for the careers of vermin like Metro Station and whoever sings that damn song with the inaccurate and grammatically maddening lyrics about Helen Keller) as the viable options for entertainment. You know, if you could develop a soul, obtain a personal and unique sense of taste/a real opinion, shun the popular in order to enjoy something that actually has some sort of comprehensible value and make a decision of your own without having it backed by a Ryan Seacrest blurb on E!, you wouldn't know who this 10 year old poser was either, and you'd have nothing to be complaining about.

Personally, I say Justin Bieber can be/do/say whatever the hell he wants, no matter how much Facebook complaining any of you have to do. Do you know why I think that, despite the fact that what he does is absolutely worthless in my opinion (proof being that I don't even know what the kid does/aspires to do)!?[<--Can we get an interrobang here, please!? See Mike's post entitled "This one's for you Justin"] I think this over-promoted diaper-soiler can do as he pleases because it doesn't effect me in any way, shape or form, because my knowledge of entertainment is founded on my tastes, not what SoundScan or box-offices claim is good. I suggest you do the same. I promise, you'll live a happier life, and your Facebook feed will contain things that someone (it's not likely to be me) might actually find clever.

-j

3 comments:

MScottW said...

Wow. That was so long I had to stop reading because my eyes hurt. Snooze. You can do better than that, Justin. You are just lucky to have not heard of him outside of facebook status updates/insults. I've heard his name all over the limited TV that I have. Ass.

Jessi said...

I seriously think this is the first and last time I will comment. I just tried posting TWICE and it did not post. The first was witty and the second a paraphrased version of the witty post. Now all I have to say is that pop music sucks. I want the 80s/90s music back. We are old! There. Also blogger and third party cookies suck ASS. Apparently that was the problem. Stupid crap computer shit, grr.

Justin said...

Wow. I guess this blog is where anger lives online. Look at what it did to Jessi.

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