A Disclaimer

The views and opinions expressed here are ours and ours alone and do not reflect the views and opinions of our employer(s).

Fuck Modern Censorship of Classic Literature

What the fuck is wrong with this country? We’re really going to allow someone to edit masterpieces of American literature? I know it’s only copies from one publisher, but that publisher and the asshole who green lit the changes should be drawn and quartered.

Huh? Oh, right! *slaps forehead, as if to feign having had an epiphany* I can’t say that! What I’m going to have to do is get hold of a DeLorean with a flux capacitor in it, in a hundred years or so, and go back and change that to something a little less severe. Perhaps instead of drawing and quartering I should say that we’ll just, oh, I dunno, decapitate them. Yeah. Much better! It captures my original sentiment perfectly and no one gets their precious feelings hurt. Or do they? Changing the “n word” (is that actually any better?) to slave? Really?! That’s going to make up for 150 years of intolerance and insensitivity?

Fuck you assholes IN your assholes with copies of 1984 that are laser etched in steel, jagged and rusty from sitting out in the elements for hundreds of years, covered in shit, heavily salted, and from the future because I went to the future and invented it with futuristic technology that only exists a hundred years in the future just so I could bring it back to now to force you to have anal coitus with it.

I digress.

What’s that you say? I can’t even begin to fathom why this is to important? I’ve never had derogatory words said to me repeatedly over the course of several years (okay, I admit it isn’t quite the same as centuries, and fat is not the same as the n word, but gimme a break, I’m trying to make a point here!)? I CERTAINLY HAVE! I know what it’s like to be called BARF because I was fat and resembled (apparently) John Candy’s legendary character from Spaceballs the Movie. You know what? I didn’t lash out even though I certainly had enough will and girth to do so. I took it. I let it roll right off my back. Fuck them. I didn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they were hurting me. That made me feel empowered. And in a few years, everyone grew up and it stopped. No harm, no foul. In fact, it may have even made me a better person for having persevered. Now I have that lesson to pass on to my son.

Life has a funny way of resolving it’s own problems in time. It’s the way in which we assist or retard that resolution (oh hell yeah, I did!) that decides whether we can move on as a unified society. This censorship is indeed acting as a retardant to our becoming said unified society. The fact that this cannot be “let go” is causing us to become stagnant. There can be no progress if all we do is sit around all day trying to right our past wrongs. It’s FUCKING OVER. MOVE ON.

Big brother has been watching… and laughing his balls off at all of us. Shame on us for continuing to put ourselves through all of this nonsense. Lets just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and go home. Our wives are there waiting with a hot meal on the table… if they know what’s good for them! (Oh, FUCK. Where did I park that damned DeLorean…)

Test

Test test. Shit. Sweet.

Best Buy: Kiss my ass!

One more store that has earned my ire. I will never step foot in there again if I can help it. They have a ridiculous return policy that was clearly designed to keep you shopping there. Any purchase of $250 or more in cash, debit or check can only be refunded to a gift card or a check mailed with...in 10 business days to your house. What the hell? Now I'm shit out of luck for 10 days.

And the bitch behind the counter had the nerve to say "To be completely honest, it's on the back of the receipt and on the wall." Guess what? I didn't read the wall and I'm sure no one does. On the back of the receipt? What good does that do me? Transaction complete and too late to do anything about it.

I get that they want to protect against some asshole that comes in and pays $10,000 for some home theater shit in cash coming in at 9am for a refund and them not having the cash. $600 though? I know they have it in the safe. Just go get me my god damned money and let me leave. I've made it perfectly clear that I don't wish to buy anything else in the dump that they have the gall to call a store. Give me my money and have a nice life.

Fuck.

Ass.

Dear Best Buy: YOU SUCK!

Have you ever shopped at a Best Buy? If you're reading this, you likely know something about tech, and so the answer is yes, you have shopped at the conglomerate that has driven all other electronics retailers either out of business or into obscurity. Perhaps because you have no choice. Perhaps because, like my blogging cohort you can actually overlook the store's shortcomings and just be happy to be surrounded by devices none of us can afford but all of us want. That being said, can you honestly tell me you enjoy the experience? I doubt it. This is because, as a tech enthusiast (I by no means claim to be an expert; I'm merely an 'advanced' user by any standard. I know very little about any and all other tech applications--be they hardware, software or otherwise) as a tech enthusiast, however, I know enough about what I'm shopping for to make an educated purchase. At the very lease I can do some educated browsing. What I'm getting at is the frivolity inherent in the Best Buy employee. I have never (I repeat, never) met a single Best Buy employee worth their weight in grass clippings (except the one that cashes me out--otherwise, how would I ever purchase the things I refuse to wait to have shipped to my door?). I'll prove this statement by walking you through my trip to Best Buy today. I was shopping for one of the most simple items you might ever walk in to an electronics store to find: a pair of headphones with an in-line microphone for use with my Motorola Droid (and a second pair for my wife to use with her HTC Incredible). Simple enough, yeah? WRONG! Best Buy is incapable of finding these simple pieces of hardware amidst a plethora of the devices. Witness (or just read, as it were):

I walk in. I am immediately greeted by the only two employees in yellow shirts. That's right--I'm greeted. What does that do for me? I don't feel welcome. In fact, I feel alienated because the two yellow-lettered employees in a place with sixty + others in the building have decided to acknowledge that I can put my feet in successive motion in order to enter a building. Now boys, I know that's a foreign concept, but I assure you, it's all too human. So now, not only are they the freaks in the joint, but I'm a freak because the rejects have noticed me. Aside from my general aversion to these door-drones, all they do is GREET. How about asking, "can I help you find something?" or, "do you need any help?" or "what can I do for you" or "..." (that last one is silence. That's my favorite. Just post a sign over these assholes that says "HELP HERE IF NEEDED" in blinking red neon). Nevertheless, I get no help from these polo-shirt wearing, khaki pant having, walkie-talkie toting door jockies. Not immediately, anyway...

So I continue shopping...for half an hour. Yes, I spend half an hour reading the packaging for every reasonably priced set of in-ear headphones, looking for those that might actually advertise an 'in-line microphone.' Here is the new trick: advertise something as 'iPhone compatible,' suckers will fall for the trick and then Best Buy's inadequate return policy will keep manufacturers from losing any dough. Nice. Well, any flipping set of standard headphones will fit in an iPhone. That doesn't mean they're fully functional. So I read several dozen of these packages, find several sets of headphones that explicitly claim to have the inline mic, and my confusion rages on due to some online reading I'd done that claimed the same pairs I'm looking at now do/don't have mics, and all that info is conflicting with what I'm reading in the store. A confusing sentence, you say? Yeah, now you know how I felt.

So, here comes one of the door dummies, looking helpless in his own place of work and mouth-breathing harder than ever despite the air conditioning pumping through the place. He looks at me; I look at him; he takes several steps past me; I turn back to the rack of headphones; he turns back, looks at me again and asks if he can help me; I give him a lengthy and accurate description of my problem leaving no pause in which he might be expected to produce an answer from the thick-craniumed skull he's sporting; he proceeds to page someone to ask for an answer. There is not a strong enough expletive to show how I felt at the time. My shopping continues for another ten minutes as I humor this fool and his co-worker. His co-worker shows up, hands him a cheap, generic adapter that will add an inline mic to any set of headphones and all I can think is, "%$()*%$)*%_#@$&*(#@^$(#@^)$%@&$*(&%(&#$*&%$@ YOU! That is NOT what I asked for, and THIS is why I NEVER shop here you BUFFOONS!" So, out of the five or six pairs of headphones with in-line mics I'd already looked at, they couldn't even suggest I look at one of those. I didn't ask you for an adapter, you flipping Cro-Magnons, I asked for HEADPHONES WITH AN IN-LINE MIC!

My question unanswered, I left Best Buy today for the last time. Doubt me? I haven't been there in nearly a year as it is (my last trip was for a Canon digital point and shoot--the young punk that helped me then had no clue what he was talking about, either). I'm thinking about starting an online counter where you can see how many days it has been since I last entered one of Lucifer's last bastions of suffering on this planet.

As far as the headphones are concerned: I just got a killer deal on two pair on eBay. And I didn't have to suffer anyone's ignorance to find them.

(The author of this blog would like to add that he hates the exclamation point, and has only used it in this post in lieu of cursing. He had to fight the urge to post nothing but several lines of exclamation points.)

My final word: stay out of Best Buy unless you have no damned clue how to read, speak, wipe yourself, blink, walk, close your mouth, breathe--with and without your mouth closed, or do any other thing that you should be capable of without being told by some random simpleton. Flip.

-j

Just Something to Keep Us Grounded...

This poster may be poorly punctuated, but it make me chortle. And so I share it with you, non-followers, so that you might realize: we do indeed know how frivolous our efforts here really are.

10 Things I Don't Mind Telling You

Mike's post inspired me to do a bit of thinking on the subject of pharmacy. Actually, what it got me thinking about was working in a pharmacy, and what we will and won't tell you. There are some places where people fear what goes on behind closed doors. Take restaurants (fast food joints in particular); people take even the slightest bit of stink eye from the guy flipping patties in the paper hat to mean "spit-burger." While films like Waiting may give you every reason to believe in these things, the fact of the matter is, most people are morally averse to doing something they wouldn't want done to them. Moreover, they tend not to do things they find disgusting. You can take this as gospel, I'd say, 85% of the time (in restaurants. 100% in pharmacies. Not to mention that most people are just too damn busy to rev up and hawk one into your pasta primavera.)

For some reason, the pharmacy has become one of these places. People tend to believe that there is something sinister going on behind the counter at their drug store. Well, I'm going to go over the 10 absolute worst things that might happen in a pharmacy, so that you can understand how futile it is to glare at me when you feel the need to let me know you have no confidence in my capabilities.

10.) We may force you to pay for every penny worth of medicine that you actually receive. This is not because I thought you were rude when you threw your refill bottle at me. It is because I'm unwilling to defraud your insurance company; we both have a duty to your insurance company, and we both are required to fulfill that duty.

9.) We may attempt to cut conversations short. This means that often, I can tell when you are badgering me in order to get me to a.) defraud your insurance company, or, b.) "give" you something. This something may be extra medicine, a cost break, or allow for an alteration in your prescription that is illegal. I can tell when you are looking for a hand out, and in this business, handouts are illegal.

8.) We may ask you to wait a little longer when you are in the drive-thru than we would were you in the store. This means that, when you come to the drive-thru, I have to take extra precautions to be sure I can complete your order. Were you in the store, I would have an extra moment to ask you to wait; you may shop; you may just wander; either way, you'll be there and not driving off as soon as you hand me a script.

7.) We may turn you away for a refill. If you are early. In no other situation would we ever turn you away. Don't assume we're turning you down because we don't want to work. Contrary to what you believe, we actually appreciate your business.

6.) We might ask you to call your doctor. This is after our attempts at communications have failed. We automatically contact your doctor when we have an issue. That doesn't mean they return calls or actually get resolution for your pharmacy. Sometimes, we need your help to give them a gentle kick in the ass.

5.) We might ask you to call your insurance company. We only have contact information for your processor, not your carrier (you can Google the difference if you don't know it). We cannot resolve every issue you have, and we don't know when your plan changed. No one tells us that, either.

4.) We might not have what you want. We cannot control an inventory of several thousand drugs when we are filling thousands of prescriptions for them each week. We just plain can't keep track of it; computer systems are flawed and no man short of Raymond Babbitt has the capability to do it from memory. Sorry.

3.) We might ask you to wait. Period. Self explanatory. Don't be a jerk because I'm busy. Is there a reason to be impatient? Think of it this way: you are complaining to one person. There are at least three in the pharmacy. It takes all three of them to be sure your prescription gets completed, and this can happen only after those before yours are completed. Telling one of the three won't do anything to get the other two who are currently inundated to move any faster. They're already moving as fast as they can.

2.) We might tell you to go to another pharmacy. Couple #4 with the fact that some medications are ordered in urgency. In other words: you need them, now. We ask you to look elsewhere when our better judgement tells us you shouldn't wait for treatment.

1.) We might be human. Look at 2-10. They all point at one thing: the humanity still inherent in pharmacy. It is an industry that cannot be mechanized, streamlined (any further than it is) or McDonald's-ized. This means that there are things that cannot be accounted for that hold things up (other than rogue pickles): insurance issues (billing, coverage, limits, plan changes, etc.), stock issues (manufacturer changes, shortages, etc.), safety issues (drug interactions, counter-indications, allergies, etc.), literal prescription issues (laws, regulations, requirements, etc.). Each of these issues are multi-layered; they can stem from your doctor's office, a drug's indications, or the cautionary practice of your pharmacy (sorry). These are things that go on because what we are dealing with, what you are dealing with, what the whole industry is based on, centered around, thrives on, is PEOPLE. And last I checked, I am still a person. Mistakes are made from time to time, despite all the safeguards. They are sometimes made by you, or by your doctors. They are sometimes made by people on my side of the counter, too. It happens. There's nothing the lot of us can do about it. Unless, of course, you're working to develop Skynet, and you know where I can get a neural-net processor (It's a learning computer). So please, spare a little patience. I promise, even when we are doing our worst, we're still doing our best.

Workplace Anger, or "Several Things Your Pharmacy Employees Won't Tell you"

I was going to post a list of things that piss me off at work. It was going to be like the feature in Reader's Digest called "10 Things Your *insert profession here* Won't Tell You." I was just about to post it when I remembered that I like being employed and I like receiving a paycheck.The first one was similar, but more detailed and more profane. MUCH more profane. Here is a smaller, less controversial version. READ NUMBER ONE!

Dear pharmacy customers, here are 10 things you don't know that we are thinking:

10.) I can't stand Medicaid Fraud. We know who you are. We resent paying for everything for you.

9.)  You DO have a high copay. Sorry. You signed up for the plan. If you didn't read the policy, don't blame me.

8.) We HATE that people who are not disabled use the drive through.

7.) You need to wait for me to tell you if we have the drug in stock!

6.) We HATE when you are in a hurry. Loved one just out of surgery? Take them home and come back. I'm not going to hurry because they had wisdom teeth out and are in the car half asleep.

5.) We think you are faking your pain most of the time. We can tell a sincere urgency from an impatient one.

4.) You can see that I have 9 people in line at the register. Don't hold me up with a cart full of crap you don't need.

3.) Call your own doctor for refills. They may want to see you and we have ever less time.

2.) Screw you. Shut up. Sit down. Too many of numbers 10 through 3 put me in a bad mood. I'm less efficient and make more mistakes (and that makes the wait longer!) when I'm pissed off. Let me concentrate. The sooner I finish the prescription before yours, the sooner you get to go on about your day.

1.) I will do everything in my power to hide this all from you. I want you to come back because repeat business is often good business. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a job. Thank you for continuing to aggravate and delight me.

Please consider our feelings as well as your own. We need each other and the better you treat us, the better we will treat you.

Enough is Enough

I've had it with this slacking off. It's time for a good rant, even if it is unorganized and idealistically all over the place. Enjoy. Or don't. I don't care any more.

Fuck the public. All of them. Why is it that people don't seem to want to understand ANYTHING?! With every thing we do, there are certain things that must be understood in order to succeed at the task at hand. There are rules and regulations and laws that are in place to guide us in the right direction. There are instruction manuals to help us build things, and use every day items.

It has been a long standing ideal of mine that you need to understand how to use something before you should be allowed to use it. If you want to drive, you must learn how to drive, but more importantly, you should have a basic understanding of how the car works-what makes it go? If you want to use a computer, you should have some knowledge of how it works. You should know the names of some key components that make up the total experience.

YOU NEED TO HAVE THE CAPACITY TO LEARN, OR ELSE, DARWIN WINS.

Can't figure out why your computer doesn't work when you go to any website and click any link that leads anywhere because you just can't control your impulses and need to know what something is? You are the reason there is internet junk mail. You are the reason advertising is so successful on the internet. You are the scourge of my existence. If you went to a website to look at dinner recipes, look at the recipes. Don't click on the ad on the side of the page that says they have the best hams on the planet. You WILL regret it. I will regret it. THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD WILL REGRET IT! Get in your fucking car and go to a book store to buy a cook book. If you are asking me to look something up online for you, don't look over my shoulder and tell me I should have clicked on a different link. If you knew what you were looking for you would not have asked me to step in. DO IT YOUR FUCKING SELF.

Do you know what makes your car move? Do you understand how the internal combustion engine works? Do you know how to operate the vehicle? READ THE FUCKING MANUAL. Better yet, don't buy the fucking car in the first place unless you know how to do basic things with it. Take the fucking bus. You can actually pay someone who knows something to bring you places. Can you check your own oil? Probably not. Good thing I only said CHECK the oil. What would you do if you had to add oil?  And just so you know, it is NOT difficult to change the fucking windshield wipers! DO IT! SHUT THE FUCK UP! The guy at the auto parts store does NOT want to come out in the pouring rain to change your god damned wiper blades that you should have replaced months ago when you noticed they stopped wiping well.

If your car makes a funny sound you bring it to a mechanic. That mechanic then tells you that your breaks are no longer good. Do you question the mechanic? Do you have him call the car manufacturer to see how that is possible? Do you complain that the mechanic should have called you long before the breaks got in such despicable shape? No. You do not do any of that. You nod and say, "Okay. How much will this cost? Oh, that much? Okay. I'll just be sitting here waiting quietly while you work. Thank you." WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT ALL ABOUT!?

I WILL NOT HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT I SAY. THERE IS A REASON I TOLD YOU TO DELETE THAT FILE. I DON'T DECIDE WHAT PROGRAMS BEHAVE IN WHAT WAYS. THERE IS A REASON I TOLD YOU TO GO TO A CERTAIN PLACE AND GET A CERTAIN ITEM. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE..

IF YOU DON'T SHOW ME THAT YOU HAVE THE CAPACITY TO LEARN OR EVEN A MODICUM OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THAT WHICH YOU HAVE ASKED, I WILL NOT HELP YOU. YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY TIME. REMEMBER THOSE QUESTIONS I ASKED YOU TO START WITH? THE ANSWERS TO WHICH YOU REPLIED, "DUHHHHH... I DON'T KNOW." I WAS TESTING YOU. I MAY NOT BE THE MOST INTELLIGENT PERSON ON EARTH, BUT I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO AND I WILL NOT LET YOU BE A DRAIN ON ME ANYMORE.

FUCK.

OFF.

MORONS.




Damn it.